


Burn Me Down

by MizORbust



Category: Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Genre: Cannibalistic Thoughts, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 20:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19117036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizORbust/pseuds/MizORbust
Summary: More than anything, Heat wants Serph.





	Burn Me Down

He’s realized how much Serph looks at Sera. It confuses him, because at first he thinks he wants to be Serph, looking at Sera like he does, because somehow he’d feel like he’d like that. It doesn’t sit quite right. And then, he wonders if he wants to be Sera, being the focus of Serph’s attention, and it pisses him off. If he shoves past Serph with too much force, growls at him a bit too loudly, it’s not his fault now, is it?

 

Wanting isn’t something Heat doesn’t know. He’s wanted plenty before, physical things, that compared to this would be almost a need. This is something he doesn’t need, the idea of Serph’s cool hand against his face, looking at him in the way he only wants Serph to look at him like, nobody else, and he can’t make himself stop. 

 

There’s some kind of feeling he can’t name festering inside him. It burns, and he wishes he could tear out his own heart, to make it stop. Maybe there’s something wrong with him. He focuses on the blood and viscera to stop himself from thinking too hard and cracking his ribs open in desperation, and ignores the way Serph looks at him. When he does look at him, there’s something unreadable in his expression ( _ pity _ ), and he can’t stand it. It’s not the kind of looks he wanted, and he stalks away.

 

Does Serph even know what’s going on with him? Heat himself doesn’t know, and he snarls at Serph when he comes up to him and tries to help with the conflict he’s feeling. If he could put it into words, maybe it would help, but instead the rage and pain erupts, and he’s shouting at Serph, and he doesn’t want to be shouting at Serph, and...Serph stays. He doesn’t understand, and so he rests his forehead against Serph’s, and holds back the thing bubbling up in his chest.

 

It doesn’t change anything. He wants it to, but he doesn’t know how. If he thought Serph understood, maybe he was wrong, and Serph is too preoccupied with Sera and the rest and has forgotten about him. The idea hurts, and he pushes it down, and wishes Serph would push him against a wall and force him to vocalize whatever he was feeling. It doesn’t happen, and he snaps at Argilla when she looks at him for too long, questioningly. 

 

He yells at Sera once, and feels something different but still strange ( _ guilt _ ) that he doesn’t feel with the others. Serph can take his anger, direct it into something completely different and strange, but Sera just takes it, keeping it with her. She’s not even who he’s mad at, and so he leaves her by herself, so he can fume alone. 

 

His fire towards Serph seems to wax and wane, as he stares at him from a distance. He wants him to stop, to rip the reason why Serph makes him feel like this out of Serph, so he could know what it was, and break it. Instead he finds himself watching the way Serph’s lips move, and wonders what it would be like to feel them on him.

 

It comes to a head, one day, as he’s watching Varna fight. What was this? If he ate Serph, would it go away? He didn’t want to, but if he had to...He stalked towards Varna, there being no opportunity for them to change back, and maybe Varna would kill him, and he wouldn’t have to make a choice. And he’s Agni, all full of a desire to kill and eat the things that bother him, but he looks down and he’s not, not anymore, and he can’t remember changing back but he’s just here, with Varna, as himself, and he can’t kill him anymore.

 

He sees the look in Serph’s eyes, when he’s back as his Serph and not Varna, and he knows Serph knows what he wanted to do. He still wants Serph to kill him, and not tilt his head curiously, and touch his face like he’s doing. As if he’s trying to figure out the solution for something he’s been wondering on for a while. He’s been wanting Serph to look at him, really look at him, and now he’s got a sinking feeling inside ( _ regret _ ).

 

It does change something, albeit not in the way he’d intended, because this wasn’t getting rid of it. This was Serph touching him lightly in greeting instead, catching his eye more than usual. Heat doesn’t understand, what did he do? It doesn’t seem to be bad, just different. Or maybe he’s noticing different things now, things brought to light by the feeling of Serph’s hand on his face, before.

 

Heat doesn’t do finesse. He makes that clear when he pushes Serph against the wall, something that for most people means he’s going to fight them until they give up. For Serph it means pressing their mouths together, like he’s wanted to for a while and didn’t know what to do. Serph goes along with it, not resisting, as if it’s an expected thing. They kiss, he knows what this is suddenly, has a word to go with what he’s doing now, and it works so much better than anything he was going to say before, and he can’t get enough of it.

 

And then it’s Serph quietly laughing as they pull apart, like he’s finally, finally realized what’s going on, and it hits him that Serph wasn’t the one who was missing things here.

**Author's Note:**

> heat thats real gay of you


End file.
